“How i much wanted”- short story ♠30♠

Hid myself, after realized that you was staring me, as if i could not see you. 
I have started to look at forward, in the only hole i would liked to fall in those instants.
I was overwhelm by all those thoughts that till now, which i hadn’t think about, and that small hole in that table, it was the only hole in which my thoughts deleting themselves, but knowing you at few meters to me, it made me feel crazy.

Got back at my anchor, i had catched something on what happening to you, but i didn’t understand what, or better, i’ve catched it, but it seemed me so unreal that my mind had scrambled everything, and at end, i’ve understand nothing: i was in total confusion.
The through was Philip, and he knew it better: other times he had chatted with you, also just for make me hear the sound of your voice. 
Your voice… i would have could hear it for hours, but in those instants, my head had to collect all the reasons to remain calm at my table. 
I threw away all the air from my body, and for a long instant i closed the eyes, looking for to don’t listen to the only two voices inside the local, who were starting to talk.

Philip has asked to you, first of all, if did you ever had believe in the magic stuff: you have looked at him, as if he had asked you something natural.
“Absolutely!” and you have started to say him about your grandma. Philip seemed relived about this your confirmation, and without make him notice from you, he threw a rapid quick beyond your shoulders, looking at me, but it seemed that chat, it would be reserved just to you. 

I was still dived in my thoughts. I had followed his suggestion: i made me noticed, and Philip knew that i had made one of greatest effort, and now, he was looking at me, knowing that i was enclosed in me, and i running fast among milion of thoughts, looking for to pull out the best from it. 

He got back to you, cleaning the long counter, with the rag that he had always, on his big shoulder.
Without realize about the Philip glance at my table, you have continued to tell him of your childhood, lived most of the time with your grandma, and of when she taught you, even the minimal magical things, and in all that, there was, also the strange combination of the numbers.
Staring at the iced glass of beer, almost lost in thought, you have said:”I remebember what she said me about that strange combination of number: she was say me that it’s very rare that happens, but when it happens, it means the universe it was alining itself, and two souls mates are approaching one another.” 
You have said it without realize of the real meaning: till now were just the explanation of your grandma that you had heard many times, without much thinking above it.

It seemed, that now, all in a stroke, everything had a sense. 
Your heart has stopped, and it seemed everything inside that local stopped itself with it.
Philip was staring at you, with the palms of his greasy hands, on the counter, waiting for you elaborating what you as soon said.
It seemed that, all in a stroke, everything was clarified in your mind, and slowly, you have lifted the face, meeting those of Philip. 
You wided the eyes.
With a slow nod, Philip has indicated me beyond your shoulders, but immediately he got back to clean the counter, as if he had made nothing.
You have stared at him for a quick moment, then really slowly, you turned yourself, and you have started to looking at you around, as if you wanted look for something in particular, but your eyes wanted only see me.

I didn’t moved: i was, always there, lost in my thoughts, staring that small universe in front of me, occupied to snatch that poor paper tissue in milion of pieces. I threw away the air from the lungs for the milionth time, when i realized that you turned toward my part.
I could see you with the corner of the eye. Even i would liked to share a small smile with you, i didn’t: i would have died.
But  it seemd that you didn’t wanted give up. 
Your glance wandering in that small space borderlined by that wooden curtain, between my table, the service’ door, the jukebox, and always at the end, your gaze was back to look at my table, illuminated by a round lamp above it.

My heart was about to explode, when i taken the courage to look at toward you. 
Our glances met. You have shy smiled me. I felt myself die inside, when i noticed the hour behind you, above the big counter. 

The universe had aligned itself: the two soulmates were connected themselves.
I wided the eyes, and fastely, i got up, taking all my stuff, i ran away from the local trough the service’ door. 
You hasn’t been able, not even to say me “Hi”, and you was remained to stare the door was closing. 

Immediately after, you turned toward Philip speechless, and without realize you have lifted the face toward the clock, and for the remaining seconds, you have stared, even you that hour on the clock.
Philip has noticed you, and just at the last second, he also, saw what time were.
Then, he threw away the air from the lungs, looking at you without words.”



Listen to it ⇓⇓


⇐“That morning” – short story ♠29♠

“I was escaped” – short story ♠31♠⇒

2 thoughts on ““How i much wanted”- short story ♠30♠”

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