When i got back in my room, I was feeling really strange, and it wasn’t something that i had eat: by now Philip knew my habits, and he has always treated like a princess.
No, it was something that slowly, it was growing inside me, making me feel in the most peaceful place.
I was forgetting about the rage of the world, and my heart was beating hard: unconsciously, i was entering in a his new vision.
I went to the little window of my room, and i wided the white curtain, holding the back the breathe, for then throw it away.
I sat on that little chair in front of the desk, not before i’ve placed it in front of the window.
I didn’t know what was happening inside me: but surely, it was something would have changed my life forever.
I left that that soft wind caresssing my face.
That glance toward my part, it had scrambled me; from those instants a tiny emotional crumb, little by little, has grow up inside, leaving me breathless, but giving me another thing to hold on.
The only person who had realized what was happened in those few instants has been Philip.
That glance came from very far: it seemed came from another era, and everything surround,it seemed stop itself.
In front of that little window, in the silence of the room, while the neighborhood was about to fallen asleep, i was looking for to got calm me.
I was escaped from that hiding place, praying two things totally different: hoping to see you no longer, and the other one, to die another time, hoping to see you once again.
“Maybe you don’t have noticed me, behind the wooden curtain, but that glance has pierced me”, i was saying me.
I was about to take my trusty diary: i wanted put down, some pages, but that evening, the pencil have would met some difficulties to follows my thoughts: they were running faster than usual, and this time, i would have some problems, even, to hold back the emotions.
They were choking me.
I would liked to hit the head against the wall, to feel something different, but i knew, it would be totally useless.
Not even, the red and blu light of the sign of Philip’ bar didn’t have given me any annoy, that night, as much that i have left the white curtain open, and that slow alternation of light it would have hypnotized me, maybe, in a sort of a spiral in which i would could, even to forget those strong emotions that had enveloped me till that moment.
Now, in that room, everything was going at unison with those lights, and it seemed got calming itself, just one thing didn’t.
That little tiny emotional crumb was growing faster, and it seemed was absorbing me from its inside.
I threw away all the air from the lungs, and i got up.
Everything inside me, was spinning around your gaze, and more i was looking at your eyes, more everything was exploding inside me.
Slowly i laid me on bed, and i started to stare the mold spot on the ceiling, hoping it could sucked me inside of it, and set free the mind from what i was feeling.
Delicately i fallen asleep, and immediately after, i found myself behind the wooden curtain, and you was approaching toward me.
My heart was splashing out from my body.
Everything around was of a soft white, and we were looking at each other without say nothing.
But something was moving us away one from another.
Our souls had found themselves, but we weren’t ready to accomplish that big step yet.
A teardrop got wet my face, sliding in my lips.
The salt of that one only tear has woke me up: my heart was beating faster than usual.
In those instants, i hoped to see you again the next evening.
I have dry that tiny tear, and i stared it till that has been absorbed by the skin of the finger.
From that little instant, i was able just to think about you.”
*34th open letter to Luke
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