“More i was” – [47]

Trying to empty my mind from that thought, more your face with your smile, it was circling me in everywhere. At the end i gave up myself for a second i closed the eyes and your perfume has enveloped me again, but it was just my desire to see you again that it made me feel everything this, while slowly the local was filling by others persons and it was filling itself of the usual noise of background that i was used to hearing and that it was filling my head and in someways, it made me company. That buzzing made me moved away from my solitude and it made me think less about you. Some laughs of a group of clients made me lift my face for a moment.
I thought to recognize the laughing of your blond long hair friend, but i got wrong.
That day seemed has no end. I took my diary ad i have started to write.
Writing it was the better way to distract me. When i had a pencil in hand everything around me, it’s becoming so abstract and in someway it was transporting me in another world, where my dreams could become true and now the only dream that i wanted became true it was you: to see you again.
I relived each moment with you and they become written words: sometimes i hid myself behind the hands that covered my face but above all, they covered some tears that fallen from my eyes.
In those instants i was living one of the deepest moment of my life, with an only question that didn’t wanted to leave me in peace. “Would you have come back that evening?” You hadn’t know the all technical issues were fixed. But more these stupid questions hammering my head, more the Phillip’s words made themselves ahead and now in my mind i had your latest image, under the rain, all wet, and you didn’t want to go away.
You seemed a little wet puppy and that image of you it drove me crazy.
Phillip had right: nothing and nobody would have stopped you to come back in his bar just to share, also one and only smile with me.
I just had to wait for. I have thrown away the air from the lungs, i don’t know how many times, that day that slowly it was leaving place to the evening.
Phillip was taking inside some glasses and some empty bottles, when he has seen you arrive.
He has waited for you with the tray in hand and with other hand gave you a pat on your shoulder, saying you: “Someone is waiting for you…” for a second you have looked at him dazed, but immediately, you have taken a look inside through the glass door and you have seen me that i was writing.
As soon you entered i have lifted my face and our glances meeting and everything around us fading. My heart swelled and i held back the breathe while i threw away the air, you was looking at me.
Your stool was occupied by another person but another stool closer to me was free. You didn’t think about it much and you sat there.
By now, it was enough really little, you would have made few steps and you could stretch your hand for could touch me.
You have ordered the same iced glass of beer, but as usual you had drank some sips. It was just an excuse for don’t leave the stool free.
That evening we had talk much without say nothing. You have told me: “For nothing at this world tonight i wouldn’t have come” and i have understood it looking at you profoundly.
From the counter, Philip, was looking at all this, and he was thinking: “By now it’s done… look how they are looking at themselves, they are made one for another…”.
Meanwhile, outside a lightning followed by a thunder was opening the scenario to another rainstorm. And for a long minute our breaths stopped.”


⇐ “I was still” – [46]

“We looked at us” – [48] ⇒

2 thoughts on ““More i was” – [47]”

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