“You still” – [36]

Looked at me with your not anymore iced glass of beer in front  on the counter, but by now, it seemed that also that hadn’t importance for you. It was important what our glances were saying us. 
At my table, behind the wood curtain my heart was exploding and i was looking to hid my little excitement, looking for make the usual things i always did: eat some snacks that promptly Phillips, occasionally was taking me smiling, sharing some glance even with you while you was always sat in that green stool. 

Inside of you a little voice it was saying you “don’t go” and for nothing in the world, you have wouldn’t done. 
You was looking at the most sweet girl of the local, awaiting for that something happen. 
Me, i was looking for to act normally, but it wasn’t impossible now that you have had know the most hard part  of my life. I didn’t knew still if when you would get up from that stool, the next day you would returned. My stomach was chocking me and i was looking for print your smile in my mind. That chocking sensation it was devouring me and my stomach was becoming always more little and and a tear got wet my eyes. 
I took from my bag the diary and the pencil and some sheets were came out from the diary. 
I’ve started to write eveything i had in my head in that moments; occasionally i’ve launched a look toward you and our smiles were meeting always.
How much i would liked to invite you to sit with me. But then? What it would be happened: total embarassement and silence and that hole in my table would been my hiding place for the rest of the day/evening. No! It was better to follow Phillip suggestion: to leave that it was you to make the first move. But now to waiting for, it was a thing that it was killing me. 
That dream we have done: and now we had the certainty that we have done it, it was persecuting me. That’s what i wrote that evening in my diary.
Also you in the stool was thinking about to everything were happened that day, but you have took a look  outside of the glass door and the sunlight had left place to the night and that day you hadn’t make nothing in the appartment. There were still those boxes scattered on the floor that had need to be place in somewhere and maybe Josh had left some messages, but sincerely you didn’t care. 
You was in the most noisy bar of the quartier, but there, you had found the peace you have had always looking for and for sure, now you didn’t wouldn’t have wanted to go away. But more the clock was signing an unusual hour, you was throwing away all the air from the lungs. It was the time to go away. I was looking at you and i had understood that you had to go. 
I throwed my back on backrest of the bench and for a tiny second i closed the eyes and that chocking sensation was rising inside me. I was short of breathe. 
I looked at you. You got up and came next to the jukebox, but in your walk you has make flight some my papers scattered in the table, on the floor. I blushed, i was collecting them but right after you kneeled and you have collect the paper most distant from me and in a sigh you have said me: “Excuse me…” and in a involutary touch we touched our hands. We blushed and when you got up, almost in a choked sighed you have said me looking at me: “See you tomorrow” and you have forget the coin on the jukebox and you went away. 
I stared the paper that you have collect, and unconsciously i touched my hand, while you was about to open the glass door for the last time of that evening our smiles merged one in another…”



⇐ “Our glances” – [35]

“You have left” – [37] ⇒

2 thoughts on ““You still” – [36]”

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