“When i” – [6]

Was remained alone in that bar, when you have left the noisy room, inside of me it has growed something that looked like a broken glass: milion of thousands and thousands of little pieces of a inexplicable feeling that it was taking over. I was staring the last place i saw you: the entrance, hoping to see you enter in again, but that evening i knew you wouldn’t back. 
Your blue eyes were filling my heart and my head was exploding.
I was staring my diary, where i was writing all my thoughts, my considerations on the people or only few words. I was staring it and i was leafing all the pages in which i’ve wrote everything i had thinking, but when that evening i took my pencil, my thoughts were for you and your blue eyes while you stared that iced glass of beer and i from that evening i started exclusively to write about you. And the pencil ran fast on that white paper.
I was been able to exclude myself from each noises of the bar, even from the music that croaking jukebox that it was next to the service door and few steps from me.
I will have wrote three full pages. 
That evening it was becoming night. I was always there. I had my mind full of words that wanted came out and by now that bar it was becoming uncomfortable and tight for my thoughts that i had to put down in my diary. 
I was like a swollen river and now, i wanted all the silence of my lonely room.
With all calm and attention i overcomed the room, asking to pass to the persons who were in front of me, waiting to be served. 
I came out from the bar stopped myself for a second, attempting to looking for to understand the street you had took. It was impossible. I thrown away the air from the lungs and i directed myself toward another door. I’ve opened it  and i entered in. I have acrossed the long aisle, illuminated with long neon lights and i went on til half where at the my right side there was my door of my little appartement. 
For a moment, i settled myself on the bed, looking for to empty my mind, but it was been impossible. Thoughts, emotions were mixing one with another and i wasn’t understanding anything anymore: i had to put everything in my diary, even the most tiny word that could describe what i was feeling in that moment and what which i’ve felt when our shy glances met.
I could feel still the noises of the people out of the bar who was waiting for to enter, but in none of them i’ve recognized your voice. I closed the little window and i stared for a moment the brickwall of the other building that was in front of my little room. I closed definitely the window and i sat on the chair in front of the desk, i have turned on the light next to the window and i took my diary from the bed. I’ve read again the last lines that i have wrote at the bar.
Each my emotions were collected in those words. I’ve added other few lines and then i putted my back on the backrest and i have sighed. Closing the diary i have closed even the eyes and for a moment i remained so. 
When i have opened again the eyes it was seemed that i was awakening myself from a dream. 
Slowly i got up and i launched myself on the bed, taking me together with me the diary.
He, my best friend and vault of my thoughts and now also of my emotions for you. Guy that maybe i would not have ever met no more.”
X

Daria

⇐ “With this glance” – [5]

” I was awakening” – [7] ⇒

2 thoughts on ““When i” – [6]”

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